Your Values Are Keeping You Stuck

“I realized that my problem was not my circumstances or my upbringing or my even past trauma; my problem was the way I was defining those things” - Donald Miller

My computer got a virus.

Not that uncommon, I suppose.

But for a guy whose idea of tech support is “just buy a new computer,” I figured… this time, there had to be a better way.

So I consulted my new best friend, ChatGPT, to help me diagnose the issue.

It walked me through a series of steps, and I followed them to the best of my ability.

Everything seemed fine… until my computer suddenly could no longer connect to the internet.

Damn it!

Totally not Chat’s fault—I was just in over my head.

So I did what I should’ve done to begin with: I called a pro.

He had it fixed within an hour.

And not only that—he added a few updates I didn’t even know I needed.

Things ran smoother. Faster. Cleaner.

And it got me thinking…

The issue was never the machine.

It was the software.

Which made me think about solopreneurs (naturally).

And how often you—the ambitious, talented, kindhearted human with a calling—feel stuck.

Not because you’re not capable.

But because you’re running on an outdated definition of your core values.

Okay… wait.

My core values are keeping me stuck?

Yes—but not in the way you might think.

It’s not your values themselves.

They’ve served you. They’ve made you a good human. Gold star

It’s the old, outdated definitions you’re attaching to these values that are keeping you stuck. 

It’s the rules you’ve unconsciously attached to them.

And those rules?

They’re often designed to keep you safe (stuck), not help you grow.

If your goal is to simply protect what you’ve built, your current values might be serving you brilliantly. Don’t change a thing.

But if your goal is to build something great—

something that helps 100s, 1,000s, or even millions of people someday—

then those values might need an update.

Not a replacement.

Just… an upgrade.

Think of your values like your iOS.

You might be operating with the Holy Sh*t Package MacBook Pro.

Fast. Capable. Full of potential.

But if your OS is outdated?

Even the best machine (you) can’t perform up to it’s potential.

Your values are your life’s iOS.

They drive your behavior, decisions, priorities, and ultimately, the results you experience.

They don’t need to completely change.

But they do need to be updated to match who you are becoming, not the young, less self-aware, scrappy version of you who installed them years ago.

Let me show you what I mean.

A Client Story

This week I was in session with one of my favorite clients.

Phenomenal guy.

Smart. Kind. Thoughtful.

The kind of person who carries himself with both humility and wisdom.

He’s also working through some real shit right now.

We started exploring his relationship with money—and the deeper roots beneath it.

Like many of us, he didn’t grow up with financial safety.

Money was a source of stress, blame, and some deep wounds.

And somewhere along the way, he made an unconscious decision:

“I’m never going to let money control me or ruin my life.”

From that decision, a powerful value was born:

Success.

It fueled him.

He got the grades. He crushed the interviews. He landed the six-figure job at a prestigious firm.

By all external standards, he was winning.

He got out of the dysfunction he grew up in.

But inside?

He was exhausted. Overwhelmed. Burned out.

No time for the life he was building with the woman he loves.

So we started exploring this question:

“What is your definition of success?”

And what came up was this:

“Make enough money to protect my family from the pain I experienced as a kid.”

That definition made perfect sense for the 17-year-old version of him.

The one who saw how hard it was.

The one who wanted to be the hero.

But now?

He’s no longer the boy trying to escape dysfunction.

He’s a man building a beautiful life—with a woman he adores, values he’s proud of, and a deeper desire for freedom, not just safety.

Here’s the thing most people miss:

The values that got you here aren’t always the ones that will carry you forward.

And once we unpacked that?

He was able to update his OS (how he defined success).

His New Definition of Success:

“The ability to do meaningful work, earn enough to maintain the life I’ve built, and protect my time with the people I love.”

That reframe didn’t just give him clarity.

It gave him permission.

Permission to build a new kind of business.

Permission to consult, advise, and invest instead of grind.

Permission to say yes to more life—not just more work.

And yeah…

Permission to go to the Ja Rule concert this weekend with his amazing wife 💃🏽🕺🏻

Enjoy it, brother. You’ve earned it.

Ask Yourself This Week:

• What are your core values?

• And how are you defining them? 

• Does the definition reflect who you are—or who you used to be?

Because you might not be stuck at all.

You might just be due for a values update.

Your Teammate,

Matthew

If you’re ready to take the next step, here are two ways I can support you:

1. 🎧 Listen to The Successful Solopreneur Podcast

Candid conversations on unlocking your potential and building a business that aligns with who you’re becoming.

2. 🗓️ Book a Free Discovery Call

Prefer a more personal solution? Let’s talk about where you’re stuck and how I can help.

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