Why People Pleasers Struggle With Marketing

“The First Rule of Mastery: Stop worrying about what other people think” - Dr. Micheal Gervais

Last night, I was thinking about something I’ve seen a thousand times…in myself and the clients I coach.

We don’t struggle with marketing because we don’t know what to say.

We struggle because we don’t know who we’re saying it to.

Here’s what I mean…

When you’ve spent years in “survival mode”, as most humans have, you become hyper-attuned to the needs, emotions, and expectations of others—it wires your nervous system to seek approval as a form of safety.

It’s not because you’re insecure or broken.

It’s because human beings are tribal creatures, and the approval of others is how we stay alive.

If the tribe accepts you, then they will protect you. Hence why family and close friends are so important to us.

Maybe for you, to be accepted (survival)  looked like:

• Getting the job that your mom or dad wanted you to get 

• Dressing a certain way, even though you didn’t like it to be “liked” at school

• Earning love through success or being the jokester 

For many of us, survival meant staying close to the tribe, even if it meant abandoning ourselves in the process.

That’s what people-pleasing is.

Not weakness. Just a well-practiced, highly intelligent strategy for connection and safety.

But here’s the problem:

What kept you safe when you were a kid is now keeping you stuck.

“What once kept you safe as a child is now what suffocates you as an adult” - Gabor Mate

Because you’re grown. You’ve healed. You’re building something bigger than yourself.

So you sign up for a course. You start a newsletter. Maybe, you even commit to going live on IG…

But the moment you hit “record” or open that blank page to write your next post?

You freeze.

Not because you don’t know your shit.

But because when you go online, you don’t have a specific person in front of you.

As a “people pleaser”, you survive by reading people.

Reading. Responding. Adapting. Performing.

But when you go online, you’re trying to show up for tens, hundreds, or thousands of people you can’t see, read, and therefore don’t know how to please.

So you spiral:

“What if I sound dumb?”

“What if I offend someone?”

“What if I get it wrong?”

This is not a content problem.

It’s a nervous system running an old program problem.

Because when your self-worth is still tied to how you’re perceived, and there’s no immediate feedback to tell you “You’re doing good!”…

Your brain perceives that as a threat…

“If I don’t know how all of these people are responding to my work, then I can’t guarantee that I’m being accepted.”

So your body reacts as if you’re in danger.

Freeze.

Shutdown.

Procrastinate.

Scroll for 3 hours.

That’s why marketing feels so hard.

Not because you’re not good enough, smart enough, sexy enough…

Because people-pleasing works great in 1:1 spaces, with friends, family, and new people that you’re just meeting, where you can feel the other person and adjust in real time.

But it fails in business.

Because you cannot build a meaningful brand if your core strategy is “say what they want to hear.”

You’ll burn out.

You’ll stay small.

You’ll make your business about being liked instead of being true.

So what do you do?

How do you market your work when you’re still healing your people-pleasing patterns?

It starts with this unapologetic truth:

You won’t change until the pain of staying the same becomes too much to bear.

• Until playing small becomes unacceptable…

• Until the silence becomes suffocating…

• Until your mission starts to feel more important than your comfort…

Only then will you move.

And when you’re ready, here’s the formula that actually works:

It’s called Gleicher’s Formula for Change:

Dissatisfaction + Vision + First Steps > Resistance

Let me explain:

• You need to be honest about what’s no longer acceptable (Dissatisfaction)

• You need a clear vision of the life you know is possible (Vision)

• You need proven steps that feel safe enough to take (First Steps)

Those 3 things combined are stronger than your fears (Resistance)

You will take action. You will grow. You will change.

This is the exact formula I used to build The Successful Solopreneur—a business designed for real humans, not “content creators”.

My work now is helping caring, talented, mission-driven solopreneurs hit 6-figures without social media…

Not by posting for hopes and likes, but by building authentic partnerships.

Because like you, I’m still healing my inner people pleaser.

And I’ve found that building a business on relationships, not performance, is not only more effective…

…it’s actually fulfilling.

If you’re tired of the constant comparison, the dopamine crashes, and the pressure to be “on” 24/7…

There’s another way.

This is your invitation to be one of the first 50 solopreneurs in a private community learning how to collaborate their way to 6-figures and beyond.

Just subscribe here to get the behind-the-scenes breakdowns, mindset shifts, and real stories of business growth through partnership, not platforms:

👉 Join The Successful Solopreneur 

Because you’re not in the marketing business.

You’re in the relationship business.

Your teammate,

Matthew

If you’re ready to take the next step, here are two other ways I can support you:

1. 🎧 Listen to The Successful Solopreneur Podcast

Candid conversations on unlocking your potential and building a business that aligns with who you’re becoming.

2. 🗓️ Book a Free Discovery Call

Prefer a more personal solution? Let’s talk about where you’re stuck and how I can help.

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