The Purpose Formula

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

It was one of those nights.

I woke up at 3:37 a.m. to use the bathroom—and I knew immediately: I wasn’t going back to sleep.

My mind was awake. Wandering.

The noises in the dark … was it our cats or a monster, are they the same thing - sometimes. 

The task I need to get done - yesterday.

All the ways I’m going to change tomorrow.

You know the typical stuff.

Then something hit me - a memory of a quote from a podcast episode with Simon Sinek. I don’t even remember the guest.

It was almost 4am…

But the quote stuck:

“Working hard for something you hate is called stress.

Working hard for something you love is called passion.”

That line sent me down a rabbit hole.

I immediately started asking myself:

• Why do so many people hate their work?

• What’s really keeping them from creating careers they’d love?

• What does the research say about job satisfaction in America today? - The real question I typed into Perplexity to understand more.

That’s when I opened my notes app and typed the title:

“Man’s Search for Meaning in a Modern World.”

Because a few moments later, I landed on another quote—this time from Viktor Frankl:

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”

The hard truth about our modern world is that our biology can’t keep up with that pace.

Our world is evolving faster than our nervous systems can process.

According to research published in PubMed, it would take hundreds of thousands to millions of years for human biology to fully adapt to today’s technology.

Read that again…

Meanwhile, technology is compounding so fast that every gadget you bought or software you’ve downloaded in the last 6 months is already old news.

Look at what A.I. is doing to our lives as we speak…

But no matter how fast the world moves, one thing remains constant:

We are wired to search for meaning.

And purpose isn’t a luxury—it’s essential to our wellbeing.

A strong sense of purpose has been linked to lower mortality, less chronic disease, reduced stress, and a stronger immune system.

Yet so many people are chasing clarity around a question they don’t fully understand:

“What is my purpose?”

If you’re ever going to create a life of purpose, you’ll need a better definition of what purpose actually is—and how it works.

Purpose isn’t a destination. It’s an emotional state.

Just like joy. Just like anger.

Purpose is not something you find.

It’s something you create.

You wouldn’t say “I need to go find my anger.”

Or “Once I find happiness, I’ll have it forever.”

We instinctively know that these two sentences are not true.

So why do we treat purpose any differently?

If purpose is emotional, then like all emotions, it has a formula.

The 3 Requirements of a Purposeful Life

There are three ingredients that are non-negotiable to creating the emotional state we call purpose. 

Research shows:

1. It must be personally meaningful to you

2. It must benefit others

3. It must be connected to something bigger than yourself

When these three elements combine, purpose shows up—not as a destination, but as a felt experience.

So how can you and I create more purpose in our lives starting right now?

The Purpose Formula

Pain + Passion × Safety = Purpose

Let’s break it down.

Pain

Pain becomes purpose when you extract the wisdom and empathy from your struggles, instead of just the suffering.

Because your struggles give you the ability to understand someone else’s.

You know what it’s like to feel stuck, insecure, ashamed, overwhelmed.

That empathy? It’s the greatest gift you can give someone who’s going through what you’ve been through.

People don’t want a perfect guide—they want someone who gets it.

Someone who’s been there. Someone who’s still in the work.

When someone is going through something difficult the number one thing they need most is someone who understands, not unsolicited advice or worse - judgement. 

Passion

Passion is simply the shit you like to do. Or more simply put, the things that you’re interested in.

Passion doesn’t just land in your lap, it takes effort to become passionate about something. To feel passion, you have to resonate with it. It has to matter to you. 

The key to passion in this formula is that your passions or interests will identify your people! The people who get you. The people who inspire you. The kind of people you actually enjoy being with. 

This is key because all of us are struggling, all of us.

But everyone won’t be your kind of crazy, and if you’re going to be intentional about creating a life you love, you have to be intentional about the people you spend it with. 

Safety

This is everything at this stage.

No matter who you are, where you come from, or what resources you do or don’t have, the number one thing we all require to do something outside of our comfort zone is safety. 

What I mean by this is that we must feel just safe enough, emotionally and physically, to put ourselves out there in a new way. 

Think of a kid learning to swim, perhaps you remember when you learned. 

You stood at the edge of the pool or lake with your floaties on and an adult in the water encouraging you to jump in.

And no matter who you are, you hesitated to jump in. Why?

Safety. 

You knew that you didn’t know how to swim yet, and you needed to assess the situation until you felt ‘Just. Safe. Enough.’ To jump into the arms of your loved one. 

Creating more purpose in your life requires the same ingredients.

You must be guided or supported by someone you trust to help you navigate the new waters (metaphorically speaking).

Your purpose will always ask you to stretch beyond your comforts—to do something bigger, bolder. 

To do this, we need qualified support.

Qualified doesn’t mean degrees or licenses in this case. Qualified means real personal experience.

Have you been through what I’m going through, and have you figured out how to overcome it?

Yes. Congratulations, you’re qualified to help people! 

What’s Next?

To create a deeper sense of purpose in your life, do this exercise:

1. Write down the biggest thing you’ve struggled with and learned to overcome.
Think about the wisdom you’ve gained and the empathy you have for those who are going through this now. 

2. Name the kind of people you feel called to help.

The ones you genuinely enjoy being around. Your kind of crazy.

3. Ask yourself: Who could support me in stepping into this work?

A mentor, coach, colleague, or someone who’s done what you feel called to do.

4. Reach out to them!

Tell them: “I want to use what I’ve been through to help others. I don’t know exactly how yet, but I’m ready to start.”

There are a million ways to live out your purpose.

But only a few will ever feel like you.

And those few are found at the intersection of your pain, your passion, and just enough safety to jump.

See you next week when we discuss how to overcome self-sabotage.

Your Teammate,

Matthew

If you’re ready to take the next step, here are two ways I can support you:

1. 🎧 Listen to The Successful Solopreneur Podcast

Candid conversations on unlocking your potential and building a business that aligns with who you’re becoming.

2. 🗓️ Book a Free Discovery Call

Prefer a more personal solution? Let’s talk about where you’re stuck and how I can help.

Real Wins from Real Readers

When you stop chasing hacks and start showing up with purpose—this is what happens.